I made plans to go trick-or-treating with my son this year. We had borrowed a wheel chair from my wife's work, and I had taken pain killers. The pain just refused to be controlled and this Halloween was lost.
It may have been the cold, or the hour long kids party we went to first. One way or another I ended up home, alone, and rather pissed off. It's easy to tell people to not let a disability get in the way of what they want. I hear it at least once a week; "you just have to do it." The truth of the matter is that this is the same thing as asking someone to impale their foot with a 6 inch nail, or smash their knee with a hammer.
I'm going to 'toot my own horn' here. People who live with severe chronic pain tolerate far more than anyone else in this world. If you have severe chronic pain, or know someone who lives with it, then you have the blessing of witnessing one of the hardest struggles and greatest triumphs the world over. That people like me can manage to accomplish anything is incredible. Today was just one of those days that I couldn't overcome the urge to not be impaled by the nail or smash my foot.
To those of you who are out with your kids, savor every minute. If you're all dolled up and out to celebrate have fun for me, and the others out there that can't do it anymore. Take a minute to raise your beers and give your cheers for those who served and want to be their with you. Don't take it for granted, because it's emotionally crippling when you can't do it.
Happy Halloween.
I love that people say "You just do it"... It's ridiculously self centered to think that your experience is anything like mine... or anyones! I know that there are days when I just can't take Henry to one more appointment and watch him cry. Sometimes, I don't know if it's him that I'm protecting, or myself.
ReplyDeleteWe didn't go out yesterday. It didn't seem appropriate to push around a disabled toddler that had no intention of eating the candy that confused people would drop into his plastic pumpkin.
But I did find a way to hand out candy to the neighborhood beasts while holding two babies...
I understand staying home and being sort of pissed.
I agree with Kevin's statement that I am blessed to be witness to Kevin's struggle and triumph. Some people think I am nuts to say I am blessed for having a husband disabled with intense pain. But I do feel blessed that I was chosen by God to walk this journey with Kevin. It is inspiring, his fight and drive. Sometimes that fight and drive pushes him too far and he tries to do too much. I know it is because he doesn't want to miss anything. People that pull away from us because they can't handle Kevin's struggle are the ones missing out.
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