New Avenues

Yesterday we held a blog chat that Kap was so gracious enough to host here.  We had a great discussion that focused mainly on benefits, and as people posted I quickly learned that there where a couple places that I hadn't turned to for help yet.  I spent the rest of the day exploring these new avenues.
Unfortunately all but one of them turned out to be dead ends.  The only offered agency that I was able to get anywhere with was the Illinois Department of Vocational Rehabilitation.  It took 4 phone calls to finally get in touch with the right people there, and in the end I was offered a counselor who should be calling me over the next few weeks.  The woman who took my information didn't think I would be able to participate in the program because of my limitations, but set things up anyway.
It was very empowering to have so many people turn out and discuss the issues that plague the systems that govern veterans with disabilities.  And I was even forced to take a long hard look at myself to figure out my own priorities.
Prior to the discussion I had come to the decision that I had approached every person that could possibly make a change in both my situation, and the inevitable situation our future generations of veterans will be in.  I had actually, without consciously thinking about it, decided to give up and make it public knowledge how far my suffering would go.  I had decided to martyr myself in the hopes that it would have some form of profound change on a system I felt was untouchable.  I hadn't thought about it; was just doing it on auto-pilot.
Jhon Baker was the one to point this out.  The simple statement he made forced me to really think about what I was doing.  I have a wife, and a two year old son, and a daughter, and I'm going to let them slide down with me.  For what?  It would have been a pointless suffering for them, and for me.  After things wound down I found that I had a new vigor; desire to find the help my family needs, and resolve to fix some issues.
As for a daily pain update, I honestly thought I was going to end up in the hospital since last Thursday.  The pain keeps getting worse through out each day but then recedes just before I reach the point of passing out.  I know that the excitement from yesterday had a big part in keeping me going through out the day, and one of my old friends from the Marines calmed me down and helped me work through things last Friday.  Today seems to be a relaxed day, and I'm able to get around a bit.
On a side note, I still haven't heard anything from the local senators who sit on the Illinois senate.  I realize there was a holiday in there over the last few days, but at this time I completely believe that they've shrugged off the invitation to talk about what changes need to be made.  I also didn't receive a sing reply from any of the senate candidates to whom I had sent an email.  I really thought that engaging people who where trying to represent me by winning votes would have taken the time to write a simple email.  Perhaps I'm just to anxious for a response and I need to give them a little while.