From the Shadows

This post will more than likely be dark, disturbing, and contain profanity.  I will not be upset if any of my readers stop reading here...

  I've been stripped of my ability to drive, go for a walk, pour a glass of milk or water, shower daily, shave daily, fix my own meals, and clean my area of living.  This week I've been stripped of the desire to do anything.  No postings, just a few lines here and there in scattered journals, my personal journal left empty for too long.  And now I'm finding myself angry.  I have no where to aim my venom, and have been lashing out in every direction.  I simply want to yell 'FUCK' into the wind and let it find the ears of everyone.
  Three days have passed since I made an inquiry of the VFW.  They still haven't called me back.  In a perfect world those agencies that render the hopeless veteran homeless should be homeless as well.  I'm willing to bet that they'd all work a bit faster, act in a more diligent way, if they found their shelter missing every time they played these games.  For as much drag time that they have, you'd think they were disabled too.  Could you imagine if they had to work while suffering with pain that blinds; renders the victim feeble minded.  We showed Illinois the governments bare ass, caught them with their pants down, and there still is little progress made.
  Perhaps, if the nation (or the state) had to sacrifice like our service members, they'd have a different perspective.  Perhaps if they all had to spend just a few days crippled and in pain, they'd never let a transgression of this magnitude to go on.
  I still haven't heard from my mayor.  He didn't have anyone running against him... again...  Where does a non-caring windbag have a secure job where he doesn't have to do anything?  Crystal Lake, Illinois.  I've often spent time thinking about causing him as much pain as I suffer with and watch him.  I think I'd actually laugh.  I honestly don't think the bastard has had one day of adversity in his whole life.
  I've been lectured about respect, and I live in a place where I don't feel that I'm offered any.  My door is constantly opened and shut while I rest, my work is interrupted when I'm actually able to accomplish anything, my belongings and my safe haven are often trashed.  Where is the respect?  Today I rose to requirements stemmed from individuals simply not wanting to follow simple directions, and now I can't rest because there's voices in my room (yes, they belong to people) that are annoying.  I have to ask for permission to see my daughter, but no one asks me my permission to have their friends over.  They simply don't care what condition I'm in, what I suffer with.  The rules only apply to myself, my wife, and my child.  They're one-sided and ignored when they don't fit the life style of those who are housing us.
  Now most people will be up and arms at this statement.  I can hear the comments already.  "It's their house, and they can do that," "They don't have to follow rules if they're in place for only you," etc.
  Perhaps the voices of opposition are right.

  So with no regard to me, life moves on in whatever way it wants here.  It seems like those who have given us shelter don't feel like they need to bother, like I don't need to be.  That's it...
  I feel like I don't need to exist; as if there is no regard to me and my situation.  I feel like the government has swept me into a corner, and my providers of shelter have completely disregarded what I go through.  I feel like a small fleck of dirt; tired, and drawn thin, from the constant sweeping into corners.  I find my breath hard coming, and the pressures of trying to demonstrate my existence slowly compressing me into nothingness.
  I'm tired, of just about everything......
       FUCK